I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
