I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
