I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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