He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
