is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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