I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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