he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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