I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
