the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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