I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
