seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
bring money and cleavage
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
