She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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