am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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