I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
