I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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