I bet he comes in French.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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