These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
