Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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