I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
