so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
