The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
