everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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