20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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