I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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