Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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