Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
