Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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