Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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