If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
