Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well I just put wine in my tea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The adults are the big ones right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
