I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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