Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
