she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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