there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You took a bar mat shot.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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