I can't breathe out the right side of my face
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
