I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
