my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
