I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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