Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
