Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
