found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
