Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
