Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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