Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
