just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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