Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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