If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
