Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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