I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
