every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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