Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
