with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need to calm my uterus...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
