i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
