Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
