Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
