you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
