You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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