Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
NoShamevember. You game?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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