Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
