The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
