Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
