We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
