If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
