I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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