I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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