Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
