my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize