is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
