apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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