He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
