in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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