I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
