I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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