Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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