She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
