well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
