Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
