I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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