You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
ok first of all what the fuck
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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