my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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