My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think my vagina is haunted
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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