i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
