i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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