Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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