1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
