I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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